REAL TALK

Clutch, the victim of a savage beating in San Francisco



The thing Clutch has painted on the hood of his car


Clutch is great because he has a beard, a cool jeep and is a womanizer, heres some totally true facts about the best Joe ever:

- Clutch doesn't fuck around, one time Zap locked him out of the barracks, so Clutch dumped his old Christmas Tree on Zap's lawn.

- Clutch is Jewish and doesn't even celebrate Christmas but fuck Zap he has a dead ass tree to worry about.

- Clutch modified the radios in every Joe Vehicle to play Cosmos Factory on loop

- Clutch listens to nothing but Creedance Clearwater Revival, the only time he doesn't is when he listens to "Had To Cry Today" by Blind Faith, but thats only like once a month.

- Clutch and Rock And Roll got hired to build a shed once, but instead of building the shed, they smoked dope in the back of a van and played Nintendo, but still got paid because they got the high score in Double Dragon.

- Clutch named the VAMP "Jewish Lightning"

- Clutch cleaned out the inside of the MOBAT just to hide little slips of paper with Polish jokes on them so Steeler would get sad when he found them. "WHAT DO YOU CALL POLISH BODY ARMOR: STICKING THE TOP HALF OF YOUR BODY OUT OF THE TOP OF THE FUCKING TANK!"

- Clutch took a math test and the question asked "MARY HAS 3 APPLES AND 2 ORANGES BUT WHEN ADDED TOGETHER SHE GOT SIX, WHY IS MARY WRONG?" and Clutch just wrote down "SHES A WOMAN"


- When they told Clutch, Tom Fogerty was dead, Clutch burnt down Ohio.

- Clutch wrote all of Neil Young's lyrics

- Clutch hung out for like six weeks not paying hotel bills and picking up strange women in North L.A.

- Clutch went and hung out with Fidel Castro just so he could pick up some exotic looking bitches.

- Clutch is great you jerks.