Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Ugly American

We here at Smash The State have for years mentioned that G.I. Joe fans are generally stupid arrogant buttfuckers, and well here's some more photographic proof!

But first a little background. Some nerd posted this article on The Stank: http://www.oafe.net/blog/2011/12/holidays-by-hasbro-transformers-from-hell/ As you figured, negative comments about the corporation that provides them with almost as much joy as Frito-Lay products, as well as people in other countries leads to HILARIOUS comments.



Note the signature glorifying rape.




He's probably not joking




Ya know, all these crazy ass opinions are coming from States that tend to believe Professional Wrestling is real. I wonder if there's a correlation.




Holy christ.



Note, at this point there were maybe 3 posts saying "Hey, this is horrible"




"Umbusu"




"Liberal Propaganda" "Get out of your mom's basement" "Picture of a bunch of shitty tattoos" If only he had more spelling errors and a picture of an ugly woman I'd win at "G.I. Joe fuck head BINGO"




Real Talk: I skimmed through this one, blanked out after the first "Commie" and then paid attention at the Reagan quote but stopped paying attention again.



Well that was what it was, however with the rising cost of shipping things, these dudes are probably gonna wind up working in a factory!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Goodnight, and good luck.

Yeah, that's part of what bothers me: the horseshit. You want a nude toy? Well, that's just dicked up, so don't try to tell me you're anything other than a perverted deviant. Toys aren't art, they're a mass-produced consumer good, and you ain't no artist. A nekkid toy, complete with ugly twat, has only one purpose, and it has nothing to do with art. There's an implication inherent in turning a kid's toy into a piece of porn. It means you're a weirdo who has sexualized toys/geek pop culture. It means the thought of a toy with a cunt turns you on. That, by extension, means you connect sex with childhood/childish things. Newsflash, asshole, there's a strong chance you might be an active or a latent pedophile, and that's the bit that really bothers me. I don't cotton to that shit.

Felonious Monk

Thursday, November 3, 2011

(Smash The State eats itself)


A figure review.

G.I. Joe is a pretty retarded thing, that really should've been dead and buried for 10 years at this point, however that is not the case, and we've been subject to A LOT of terrible things, such as everything from 2002-2006, that gay movie, Resolute, and a lot of other things I never actually paid attention to.

Occasionally however there is a G.I. Joe that still has THE STUFF. Today, Smash The State is going to discuss the most recent G.I. Joe that has THE STUFF, don't expect a lot of knowledge or wittiness because fuck you we don't care, and the best reviewer of G.I. Joe toys Last Best Angry Man is too busy driving his new car in the Alkali Flats

2011 Stalker is a rad as fuck figure, he doesn't look like a fucking cartoon, doesn't have bright colours, has a machete and above all else looks like a member of the Black Panther Party, I haven't seen anyone mention that, but it's probably because most white bread honky fuckers into G.I. Joe are thinking "Stalker is Snake Eyes and Tommy's best friend, he didn't kill cops or sell drugs in the 70's"

So basically buy this figure, it's a true throw back to the days of G.I. Joe being President Reagan's official gang, full of people from Ohio or high school dropouts (they're the same thing amirite)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Real Life G.I. Joes Part II


File Photo of a Racist, Christian Activist


"...a series of emails that show an influential evangelical activist with close ties to the Perry campaign stressing the political importance of “juxtaposing traditional Christianity to the false God of Mormonism,” and calling for a “clarion call to Evangelical pastors and pews” that will be “the key to the primary” for Perry.

The activist in question is David Lane, a conservative Christian power broker who directed fundraising for Perry’s August prayer rally "



“Lane is the mysterious, behind the scenes, evangelical kingmaker who stormed into Iowa in 2008 and tilted the whole thing from Romney to Huckabee.”



What in the fuck is Sure Fire's problem?

Thursday, September 22, 2011

http://angelfire.com/80s/punk&joe.shtml




This is the only known screengrab of the ORIGINAL STS website circa 1998, after abandoning a print zine because "That fucking kraut at the print shop in Bay Port can't take a fucking joke" and the desire to "Step into the fucking grid, man, it's 1998" Smash The State had a website cooler then the original General Hawk site.

Right after it's second update, Dr. Henry E. Miller went to go live in the woods till 2005 and Johnny Turk did "A bunch of rad stuff"

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Hero Worship.



On June 12th 1994 We lock a remarkable Soul.......Voice actor Chris Latta (best known for his voicework as Cobra Commander on SUNBOW'S G.I.JOE).

Every year my club holds a moment of silence in honour and memory of MR. LATTA.


This year on June 12th at Noon (Central time U.S.) we'll hold 3 minutes of silence to honour MR. Latta.

And we'd like for you to join us, and honour his memory
.



Remarkable Soul = shitty stand-up comic?

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Playing dress up (Guns with orange caps, and the overweight)



A child from make a wish foundation gets to go to Disney ok? What does this child see? His or her Heroes.. Mickey, Minnie, Goofy , Donald and the gang right? They might not have a tomorrow as I had stated in a previous post.

Now... A form of this happened with us as I also stated... had a boy in a wheelchair from this foundation roll up and we were asked if we could have a photo taken.. the boy's fav character had been Flint... It isn't about the cosplaying RPG ... It is about making fans like the both of you to take home a lasting memory.. When that boy see's a Flint character He can say'' Hey! I know that guy! I shook his hand! He told me He'd always fight for my freedom, where ever there's trouble!" Just a simple hand shake... means a world of difference to someone who might not have much of a tomorrow to look forward to.

Now for !!SE!!.. what he did for the kids and other fans alike was into seriously interacting with them.. LLC did this as well. A boy went to pose with SnakeLLC and the look on his face was worth more then the price of a full attendee package. Words cannot express what that boy felt holding one of Snake's Katana's and posing with him to defend against a possible onslaught of Cobra troopers! YOU say your imagination works differently? so do those fans who got a chance to meet their favorite Joes. That boy went home with a memory of.. I met Snake eyes!

That is why we do what we do. Without characters to physically talk to and have fun with... what good is it? Hasbro backed our ideas and many of them were estatic that we were there to represent Jinx, Snake-Eyes, Storm Shadow, Lowlight, Zarana and Covergirl.. We did it for the backbone of the convention."



That's the rantings of the deranged minds of some creep who dresses up like a goddamned toy. Dressing up in lobbies of 2 star hotel convention centres isn't it.



War Machine.

I don't know what the fuck this is. Underneath a horrible Rap-Metal song with such poignant lyrics as "DON'T THINK ABOUT IT, ACT UPON IT", is what appears to be some assholes dressed up as army guys and running around some Central American torture hole stopping TERRORISTS from their underage girl kidnapping ring. Or something. Also Duke is some William Hopper looking prick who sure hates trees.



There's also something that was probably recorded a lot earlier than the box office hunk-a-junk known as Rise Of Cobra



I just wanna know how someone convinced there Dad to play a character. Roadblock is from Ghana, apparently, and is pretty terrible at rhyming since he rhymed "Ass" with "Ass".


I understand, that G.I. Joe fans are generally less interested in anything that isn't "Just like the good old days!" or "Action packed thrill rides" but christ isn't there something less obnoxious to do? Like Grunt getting PTSD and getting kicked out of the army and driving through that ghetto known as "Ohio" or some shit.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Another post about Hisstank (with more creepy imagery)


We here at Smash The State have wasted A LOT of time explaining how G.I. Joe fans are generally awful people, ya know misogynistic creeps, fat dudes, fundamentalist Christians, and dudes who listen to heavy metal. The greatest way to find this out is to take a visit to the 'Stank, there's all sorts of fuck ups there! From Jr0d to Unclassified (The dude who threatened to beat up Last Best Angry Man at a G.I. Joe convention in the previous post) and a guy who's just as fucked up as those two clowns!

Weezus.

Weezus is a guy who has a stupid haircut and used to brag on HISS Tank about how he always got into fights and was super tough. Usually when someone brags about how much they fight, and they're on the internet, it's obvious that they're lying! However Weezus also posted pictures of him looking like the victim of a good ol' fashion fag drag! Turns out he was a backyard wrestler.


A real ass appearance by the Doctor


Well, today I saw our dear friend Weezus was asking about the legality of a t-shirt. Well this is the t-shirt:




I hope he goes to jail!

Ladies and Gentleman: Hisstank.com





Tuesday, August 2, 2011

4 years of this shit! (Nerds Losing Money pts i-iv)

Yeah, just like last year we fucked up and got the date wrong! Also Dr. Henry E. Miller was too busy puffin' mad chron and impersonating MF Doom. I was too busy ghostwriting episodes of "Anderson Cooper 360ยบ" and building a fence. Also, fuck you, if you're all "Jesus Johnny Turk, didn't you just post about an anniversary of this awful place" probably, but still fuck you, it works for the G.I. Joe line.

Anyways, as always being awesome fucking dudes here's a great thing from a long long time ago:



From July 2008's era of fictitious lawsuits and when we thought it was hilarious to claim Levar Burton was our PR man. Also prior to us having readers


Something written by Doctor Henry E. Miller that is more topical than ever!

The Doctors Short Takes Part Duex
Don't you idiots get it that by getting your panties in a bunch over the RARE AND EXCLUSIVE FIGURRRRUZ! that we ONLY HAVE ONE CHANCE TO GETTTT! you are creating your own fucking problem and building a market for the scalpers you detest so much?

It's like junkies who hate their heroin.



Anyways as always STS would like to thank the following people, places and things for not being total post-hetero landscapes

Last Best Angry Man
Felonious Monk
Bravo and the Cobra Cabana
Dan Sartain
The Electric Light Orchestra
Marlon Wayans
The Cool NHL Teams (Detroit, New Jersey, Montreal)
And a maybe to D.Verg




Friday, July 29, 2011

First world problems in San Diego and elsewhere

Smash The State has not been terribly active this summer due to the following:

1. Puffing mad chron
2. Attenting "Black Beach Week"
3. Racing motorbikes

so while we we're doing all kinds of cool shit this summer, thousands of dumb nerds went to San Diego with the hope of paying inflated ass prices for some dumb "exclusive" toy that at the time of this writing Dr. Henry E. Miller doesn't even know what they look like

But wait, lets back peddle a hair here, while thousands of sweaty nerds flew to goddamned California, another bunch sat on their computers and tried to buy these exclusives on Hasbro Toy Shop. Apparently a bunch of them tried to buy shit at once and HTS broke or something and nerds couldn't buy con exclusive copping heroin zartan or whatever, and of course it led to OUTRAGES like this:

Hasbro must read this.
Please allow me to be candid..

I was there at 11:30 and put a Starscream in my basket several times.... Everytime it crashed. I reloaded, restarted the transaction... everything.

Once Starscream was gone.. I went after pink Zarana. Didn't even try for the cold slither version. Everytime i tryed to pay.... IT CRASHED.

This was completely fucking awful. I have NEVER had such an awful experience trying to buy anything in my ENTIRE life.

I have been one of the biggest proponents and supporters of Hasbro through the years. But this.... just disgusting.

Here is what i don't get.. There was a time where there was an amazing brand under Hasbro called GI Joe. We grew up with it. We have supported it for 30 fucking years. The Hasbro team almost completely fucking killed it with that piece of shit Rise of Cobra movie, and we ... US... THE FUCKING COLLECTORS, are the only ones keeping their brand alive and those team members employed.... and they FUCKED us.

I was fully prepared to give roughly $100 for your product.. and you said, No.

Doesn't it seem against your better interests to make it so incredibly difficult to buy your product when it's falling on the brink?

Hasbro, you bit the hand that feeds you.


For the record nerdo, you haven't supported the line for 30 years, your parents most likely bought your goddamned toys when you were a kid, unless your like 60 years old like Thomas Wheeler.

While thousands (actually probably a hundred or so) got all angry at an overloaded online cart system, back at the Real Ass Comic Con this happened:



Check it out, 15 minutes of live ass video featuring a 70 year old woman (???) ranting about how Hasbro DROPPED THE BALL and screwed her out of toys or something.

Apparently a guard "touched" people and told them to leave while some other dude yelled about throwing down 75 bones for "preview" night and that he has WAITED 3 HOURS, then a "Hasbro sucks" chant starts and everyone in the crowd looks like the fucking losers that they are. They make it sound like they are actually waiting in line for something cool like a copy of Thin Lizzy - Jailbreak or toys that aren't some dumb variant.

One thing Hasbro doesn't suck at is making nerds lose money!

Oh and they set up a Diorama with the Flagg and people got all sweaty about that because HASBRO WONT TAKE THE RISK ON A NEW ONE or something. GI Joe is going to die in 2012. Whoop there it is

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Man The Fuck Up!

Dear America, please raise your debt ceiling so that you don't default on your loans, and become an even bigger problem for the rest of the world.


Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Advice from the past!



Ladies and Gentleman, your dinner if you attend "COIL CON II". I don't get this goofy shit, even as a kid the idea of making something food "Fun" didn't sit well with me.




Remember back in the day when kids were told to fuck off outside for 16 hours? Man that was good parenting.




Amazingly, people still customize like this, they've also graduated to White-Out, too.



Fun fact: I doubt anyone would pay $5.00 for a Marvel G.I. Joe comic anymore!



Jesus, look at Destro's bare chest. I guess prior to just being a coke user he was a gay porn star. Also note the Cobra Officer in a black costume in the back, I expect someone might care about that. However this is actually pretty good G.I. Joe art considering how awful most of it is.





You fucks should probably do this, it'll amuse me.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

A Child's Perspective: Part II

Like a month ago, Smash The State conducted a bit of research, here is more of it, conducted recently.

Do you ever ask for G.I. Joe for Christmas or your birthday?

Adam, Age Nine: "You're not supposed to say Christmas, mister. The Zionists have waged war on it and won"

Tyler, Age Six: "All I ever get for Christmas is hot dogs. I want a X-Box, but I only get hot dogs. Under the tree is one package of hot dogs, no buns or anything. I blame my mom's boyfriend Tad, for that. Tad's always telling me one day he'll fix his bike, but for now my mom is bringing home the bacon. I ask him why he's always reading my Where's Waldo books, he tells me to respect him or he'll introduce me to his belt"

If G.I. Joe was to have a new Celebrity G.I. Joe, who would you want it to be

George, Age Eight: "Joe Arpaio or maybe Barney The Dinosaur"

Adam, Age Nine: "Johnny Bravo"

Do you think G.I. Joe is better as a 12 inch Doll, or a 4 inch action figure?


George, Age Eight: "Only girls and the gay kid who came here from San whatever, the place full of gays and Italians, play with dolls."

Tyler, Age Six: "I wish my dad was still alive"

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Rockin' in the Projects: The War On Drugs

The war on drugs is a controversial thing, some people think "Dope is 4 Dopes" and others think "Legalize and then tax the hell out of it". Both of those are incorrect, as dope is responsible for the best line in a rap song (Regulate), and if anything needs to be taxed up the wazoo, it's religion.

Anyways, G.I. Joe was hardly one to shy away from controversy, the first 2 years was Army guys fighting White Supremacists, so of course they had something to say on the war on drugs.

America's cleanest Hood. Picture Credit: Some dude with a white couch

"YOU HAVE THE POWER TO SAY NO"

What the fuck G.I. Joe? Seriously I understand drug problems among America's inner city youth is a serious fucking thing, but going into the slums posting wanted signs for the fucking Hamburglar, and spray painting inspirational messages on the walls isn't going to help. In actuality it's contributing to the Urban Decay that causes youths to need an escape from the reality that is the ghetto.

Who knows though, maybe that slum is actually FORT AMERICA, G.I. Joe's top secret weapon for exterminating the poor.


Thanks a lot Mutt!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Truth in Dio Stories

Smash the State has always been and are at the forefront of talking about toys on the internet. We also recognize a good g.i. joe dio story when we see it. What follows is just that, when G.I. Joe meets real ass life.

Mother Fucker!
I'm on empty? That's what I get for letting SciFi use my crossover.(Chuckles is a prick nerd)



Excuse me, sir?!
Hey man, listen. My daughter has been in an accident. I'm on my way to see her, but I ran out of gas! I'm just trying to raise enough money to make it across the bridge to Arkansas. Will you help me?

No.
Listen man, if you give me your address, I promise I'LL send it back and reimburse you with interest!

Where's your car? Can I see your driver license?

It's behind the building man! Lighten up man! Will you help me?

(I turned around and let my gat explode. Now I'm switching my mind back into freak mode.)

LET ME PUMP MY GAS IN PEACE, MOTHER FUCKER.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Pop Culture References in G.I. Joe Missed by Jerks.

The G.I. Joe comic book was occasionally better than a STAR COMICS imprint, because of this there were a number of references that dudes into G.I. Joe (Fat white guys) missed. A great example of this is Marvel G.I. Joe # 12 (June, 1983)


Real ass quotes from the first two comic recaps I found: Yo Joe's says this "the streets of San Francisco. The chase continues through the streets with exchange of gunfire between the Joes and the Cobra operatives. An unsuspecting civilian, in his car, haphazardly places himself in the path of the oncoming Cobra van subsequently has his car ripped to shreds as the van then the VAMP tear right through it."

MyUselessKnowledge had this to say "..." nothing, because that site is pretty useless and has had the same 80 Comic summaries since like 2000!

Anyways the "unsuspecting civilian" is actually a clever stereotype providing an ironic reference. Check these images!







There's a reference to a pretty fucking rad band, known as the Plasmatics, who's lead singer would blow cars up and destroy television's in an effort to subvert materialistic pricks. Could the fact there was a reference to that in the most materialistic type of media (Toy Commercials) be subtle irony or Larry Hama just thinking "Shit there's punk rockers in San Francisco". I'm going with the latter, as Mohawk boy is more of a caricature of an image obsessed L.A. punk from the late 70's.

Am I surprised no one ever mentioned this sly reference? Nope! G.I. Joe is pretty good at attracting dudes with bad taste and a lack of awareness to cultural phenomenon's that aren't "80's toys" and "Action Movies"

Thursday, May 19, 2011

A Childs Pespective

Smash the state has always been are the forefront of talking about toys on the internet, since nerds always comment about kids today buying GI Joe or whatever but never actually ask kids what they think of GI Joe. We decided since we aren't creepy looking man children and can actually approach people in society to ask different kids questions about GI Joes:

First question: what do you think about GI Joes

Tyler, Age Six: "Army men are gay"

George, Age Eight: "I know four curse words"

What is your favorite foreign character?

Adam, Age Nine: "My dad says people from other countries smell like sweat and own all the delis in town"

Do you think the line needs more female characters?

Adam, Age Nine: "My mom sometimes acts like a fool and then my dad hits her with the Landry hamper"

Tyler, Age Six: "I hate my teacher"

Do you like the older RAH style or the new, post 25th style?

George, Age Eight: "I tasted one of my dads drinks once and it tasted bad and made me fall down the stairs"

Adam, Age Nine: "What does that mean mister, nobody likes to play with army guys anyway only weird kids that smell bad do that"

See, there you have it, the Youth Of America have spoken!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

ORDINARY DAY









While this is intended (and succeeded) to be funny, and awesome, we here at Smash The State realize a lot of G.I. Joe fan mongoloids will not actually see it that way. So I would like to say the following: Women should never be assaulted, domestic violence should never happen, and Smash The State's three favorite things are: Roe vs. Wade, Teacher's Unions, and the City of San Francisco. For real ass information: http://www.domesticviolence.org/

Monday, May 9, 2011

E-mails we've received!

We here at Smash The State have a rarely check e-mail. Here's some gems from it!

From Get_Nugged420@yahooligans.com: "Hey u guys shud stop posting people's pics on the net"

Johnny Turk says: Fuck You!


From r.danko99@hotmail.com: "No I am not Rick Danko. Please stop e-mailing me asking for autographed lyric sheets to the song "Home Cookin'" I don't know what you're talking about.

Sincerely

Riley Danko"

Johnny Turk says: Riley is a total slut name, so I apologize

From dustinverburg@u.boisestate.edu: I know you dudes like rock music, i did an article about what 1/2 of septic death has been up to
http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/interview-with-little-miss-and-the-no-names/

there it is.

Johnny Turk Says: Jesus Verberg, why'd you kill yourself?


Remember if you send an e-mail to "Raffi_TorresD.U.I.@live.com" you might just be e-mailing a goon!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Real Life G.I. Joes.




Some of David Lane’s earliest childhood memories are of dressing up as a German soldier and giving straight-arm salutes. Lane later came to believe in government coverups and a Jewish conspiracy to exterminate the white race. These beliefs led him to farright groups like Aryan Nations, White Aryan Resistance and David Duke’s Knights of the Ku Klux Klan. But it was his role as a founding member of the terrorist organization The Order that won him notoriety — as well as prison sentences totaling 190 years on racketeering charges and civil rights violations, the latter stemming from the 1984 murder of Denver talk radio host Alan Berg. Since being convicted and imprisoned, Lane, like other members of The Order, has continued to promote his racist and anti-Semitic views. Along with his wife Katja, he formed 14 Word Press to distribute his writings and related paraphernalia. In October 2001, Katja announced that Steve Weigand, a New Jerseybased distributor of hate music, would take over day-to-day operations of the press. Although Lane recently announced his “retirement,” he remains an influential and respected voice in the far-right movement.