Saturday, July 31, 2010

Nerds Losing Money: 3 Years of "Fuck You's" and a Dan Sartain Partial Discography

Look, I know Smash The State (Est 1956) came online at the beginning of July 2007, well fuck I don't care enough to write these things when they're current. Smash the State is the #1 blog to ever exist in the G.I. Joe realm (Sorry Cobra Cabana, LBAM Toy Review and Broca Blutch), only because we never lose! Trust me, even Dr. Henry E. Miller isn't banned from HissTank anymore, and Hasbro didn't sue us for the fake Q&A we did even though a guy on HISS Tank said we would!


Jerks whom I feel are responsible for our success:
Stuart Wilson: You're #1 in the charts, and #1 in our hearts, Stu. Please come back!

Broca Blutch: You might be creeps who stole all my ideas, but you also provided us some goddamn traffic. You guys are the Marlon Brando to our Joe Pesci. Overrated and probably Italians (and you didn't say "fuck" that much)

Felonious Monk: Hey, you're an angry guy, and started the best G.I. Joe message board thread ever, because of this, and your penchant for flying off the handle and leaving for three goddamn months I think you are an awesome dude (and I'm glad you got that Wolverine)

Bravo: Without you to rip-off, there would be no Smash The State

Dan Sartain: You are our only famous fan, because of this I think you are better than everyone else. We need to podcast soon, as it'll be funny, and maybe Dr. Henry E. Miller will buy a goddamn microphone

Felix De Cobra: You once gave me a picture of Dial Tone eating beans hobo style. Also you live in the city the Goonies was filmed, and you've got the longest running G.I. Joe message board ever. P.S. I stole your custom idea!

Last Best Angry Man: You don't seem that angry. Also that rant on your Resolute review was the best

Fireflyed: You never lose, and post pictures of people you dislike on the internet. Thanks for Chill. Don't Kill, too!

Anyone else I forgot, I am sorry, but whatever this ain't no disco, this ain't no mud club, this ain't no foolin' around

Now that thanking people I honestly don't believe contributed anything of any merit to me is done, have some old ass content. This blog is a repaint version:

The Doctors Short Takes; Part 2 (April 23, 2008)
From The Desk Of The Esteemed Doctor Henry Edward Miller:

Gang mentality.

I shouldn't be surprised, being a fanbase full of republicans and crucifucks who don't like to hear anything but their own spiel joe fans sure like to gang up on people who don't agree with the mob mentality. On a Popular Joe Message board, a respected member of the Joe Community was recently slammed by angry nerds for posting something that shook their little world like Micheal J Fox on his website. He didn't like the newest release of a repaint with psychical flaws (as mentioned in a previous post) included with a vehicle thats been thrown out like 5 times in the last six years. I guess you all have to like all the new figures or at least give an A FOR EFFORT on your website to really be a TOTALLY KOOL GUY.

There was people who ganged up on people they didn't agree with, and their name were "Nazis"


Just sayin'

An excerpt of "Stories Jerks Sent Us" (March 18, 2008)
"???" by Tommy WHEELIN DEALIN
STEVEN:
WELL I THINK IT WAS COOL.
Dukel:
I DON'T THINK IT WAS, BUT IT HAD TO BE. CAN WE TALK ABOUT ANY THING ELSE?... PLEASE.
SNAKE EYES:
WE LIVE IN A TOUGH PLACE TO LIVE AND YOU WALK AROUND LIKE EVERY THING IS OK.
Gabriel:
WELL I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE GANGS.
ROADBLOCK:
WHAT DO YOU FEAR? (GABRIEL LOOKS RIGHT AT STEVEN AND SAYS IN A COME SEROUS VOICE.)
DUKE:
ONLY ONE THING.. DEMONS.
SNAKE EYES:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? (GABRIEL STILL IN HIS SEROUS TONE.)
DUKE:
WELL.. I AM HEAR TO KILL THEM. LETS JUST SAY EVIL IS EVOLVING, SO GOOD HAS TO AS WELL. (THERE ARE SOUNDS OF GUN SHOTS AND A WOMENS VOICE SCREAMING.
OV SCARLETT:
I DON'T HAVE YOUR MONEY. PLEASE GIVE ME ONE MORE DAY.
OV PIMP DESTRO:
FUCK YOU BITCH. YOUR A DEAD HOOKER. (HAND GUN FIRE 2 SHOTS) STEVEN REALIZES IT IS HIS MOTHER IN THE HALLWAY. HE GETS UP AND RUNS WHILE SAYING



MAJOR BLUDD'S FIRST ALBUM (Sept 23, 2008)

In the late 80's after ruining his career as a mercenary, Major Bludd decided "SHIT MATE BEST GO BACK TO THE SONNET BUSINESS AYE" I am the proud owner of the only surviving copy here it is




Tracklist:
1.Empty Uzi Blues
2.Colonel Gadaffi owes me 670 bucks
3.Stars and Stripes of Corruption
4.Variations On The Bruce Foxton Experimental haircut machine (instrumental)
5.Sydney Street Shooting Incident
6.I Shot JFK
7.Pawn Shop Gun
8.Cobra Commander I'm Sorry
9.I shot Reagan (reprise)



Now that that is done, here is a list of tags used here on Smash The State:
Rick Danko is the best
Tom Jacks Is On Thin Ice
Rick Danko Knows Things
Wolf Shirts
Malicious hair dryers
This is it
RED LOGO STATIC ATTACK
Convention Exclusives cause domestic abuse
Corpus Christi
General Hawk Writes Propaganda Songs
BLITZ YA WHOLE TEAM YA NIGGAS NEED TO COME CLEAN
Guys they really do care
Thomas Wheeler failed his road test 19 times
They try really hard to make toys we the collector enjoy
Rock n roll once beat up some new wave band for not covering a ccr song
Jello Biafra
Robbie Robertson
Danzig
Tom Jacks Reform
The Elderly
MUTHAAAA I'M A BUILDING A PATIO I HAVE A SKID A BRIIIICKS
Outsourced action figures
Oh God The Weather Is Bad
Running On Empty
Nerds With Healthcare
Live Rust
BIG BAD TOY FRAUD
Organized Religion
MALE INNZ
Spook City USA
2+2
TOYS IN LOVE
shout out to all my homies on hisstank.com
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Cherry bomb
Sorry Levar we have to let you go
Rick Danko got a lot of screen time
You're Living All Over Me is the best Dinosaur jr. Album
Smash The State Never Loses
Nerds Getting Angry
Jpeg compression
Tom Waits
Slam and Worm
Why haven’t you made effects yet
REMEMBER WHEN THE JOE COMMUNITY WAS LIKE 6 SITES
Nerds With Bad Websites
Rick Danko is great
STUDIO SESSION
Mike Fountain is no friend of mine
Jerks spending stimulus checks on dumb shit
guys who know things
Gangland Killings
The Band
CCR
We're Firing Tom Jacks
A Season In Hell
Richard Manuel has great eyebrows
I WILL CONTACT THE SHOPPING CENTER SECURITY FORCE
I hope Thomas wheeler gets drafted
Zero Hour
SEX BOMB BABY
The Dicks hate the police
Heroes
Nerds upset by the internet
Keith Morris
Keith Moon
Tina Weymouth
Nerds Losing Money
BOMB SQUAD
Dirtbikes
Levon Helm
Wait the guys from aerosmith are still alive?
Rain is hot I KNOW
The History of America
Ronaldo Reagano
Guys with beards
REALISTIC MILITARY ACTION
Geddy Lee
DON'T YOU DARE BEND THAT CARD
It Makes No Difference
SHUT THE FUCK UP DONNY
Walter Mondale
Eric Bloom
HAYSTACKS CALHOON
I Am The Owl
Joe Fans Are cheap
I hope these guys try to sue us
ON EBAY
YOU CAN BRING ON
Margaret Thatcher
Chuck Biscuits
Sun is cold
Sanford and Sun
Legal Threats
DAN SARTAIN
Dan Sartain
If you post something stupid on the web. I will find it
Bootlegs
Lovin’ Spoonful
GUYS THERES GONNA BE A TERRORDROME REISSUE FOR 15 BUCKS
Satanic Cults
BOSTON WINS
I Made it out of the hood
Mobile Electric Chair
Scooters
Squash Head Harry
Zartan's Swamp Skier
Ken Nordine
Lifting Vending Machines


That's all folks, please remember the following: Smash The State NEVER LOSES, and "at the time I was doin weight lifting and the machime was light too me."

3 comments:

  1. F Monk the hooter-rollerJuly 31, 2010 at 2:18 PM

    Fuck you! I ain't angry, that's just my "online persona". I also act this way at work because the underlings fear that shit. Example: at work I don't talk, I fucking yell! Everything. Some slackass employee asks for time off, I yell, "WHEN WOULD YOU NEED THAT TIME OFF, YA GOLDBRICKIN' FUCK?!" Mostly though my anger is just an act. I may be tired of ugly fat fuckers with skewed perspectives polluting the intranets with creepiness and generic horseshit, but I also think that drivel is hilarious more often than not. Take that jr0d creep. That guy's worth a chuckle almost every time, but only online. Imagine having to listen to that shit in person. I doubt even the Dali Lhama could resist telling him to shut the fuck up.

    BTW, what thread did I start that was so groovy? I thought I was known for just being angry; hard to believe I've had a constructive moment.

    Anyway, congrats on 3 years! (But actually, if you add up all the vacant months of no-posts, it'd average out to like only 9 months of content.)

    Oh, and nice Talking Heads reference. Most non-angry fucks won't get it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow, three years. I think you guys might be the only G.I. Joe blog that updates less often than I do BUT you're still awesome. Here's to three more. Beers for everybody.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow, three years. I think you guys might be the only G.I. Joe blog that updates less often than I do BUT you're still awesome. Here's to three more. Blacks for everybody.

    ReplyDelete