Friday, August 20, 2010

super secret x-clusive STS Hasbro Q&A

Recently, Smash The State got a chance to have a special Q&A session with a hasbro rep, there are rumors that this Q&A was a result of a lawsuit settlement and a transaction involving the stolen masters to Electric Ladyland we at STS cannot comment on any of that because we are too busy counting money.

Lets get to the questions:

1. I have a big interest in urban things, when it was announced that GI Joe paratrooper Ripcord was no longer a white redhead guy from USA but was now black I grew excited, so excited that I have a tattoo of Marlon Wayans waking up next to some white girl on my left leg, are there any more plans to change the race of GI Joe characters?

For the last quarter of 2010 and 2011 moving forward we plan to re-introduce such characters as Space Shot, Effects and Long Arm in a Target exclusive 3 pack called "Brothas in space" there will be comic book written by Larry Hama packed along with it describing a new adventure in which the three recapture the formula for Olde English Malt Liquor before Cobra can re-brand and remarket it to white males aged 18-24. We also plan on breaking a new racial barrier and making Wet-Suit an African American, proving once and for all that black people can actually swim.

2. I have noticed that such sites as GI Joe Canuck have had hasbro produced exclusives in the past, are there any plans for any other fan run sites to have their own exclusives?

There are plans to work along with JOHIO to produce a limited run figure called "Buckeye" his speciality will be alcoholism and will come packaged with a repainted vamp with a yellow DWI plate and a new playset depicting the VFW across the street from the homeless shelter in Youngstown. We feel this exclusive will mirror the spirit of the great state of Ohio.

3. We have heard rumors that several characters have been "retired" from the new toyline, what does "retired" mean? Will we ever see any of these characters again?

The moniker of "Retired" refers to a new sub-group we plan on introducing depicting characters from the GI Joe team in their post military lives, this lines first wave will include Gulf War Syndrome Dusty, Unemployed Dial Tone (with a can of beans accessory), Foam Rubber Factory Floor Manager Zap and Grocery Clerk Blowtorch, if the line is a hit we may produce some vechicles to go along with it, there will be early mock-ups of Dustys wrecked Subaru at Toyfare this year.

4. Are there any plans to release any figures that are "custom friendly" meaning, different parts that are unpainted and easily modified?

Customizing is totally gay, stop acting like its 1999!

5. What are the plans for the GI Joe comic book going forward?

Well the only guy we can convince to write any of that stuff is Larry Hama, we just kinda let him write whatever he wants. Nobody actually reads any of those right? I mean I think 3 or 4 of the ones out there are ones Larry Hama made himself and mailed to different stores. Every time we tell him to try to sell some toys he gets all retarded and yells about being a serious writer and its like "Yeah whatever Larry"

That concludes it! This is all true and serious business.


  1. More run-around/duck-the-question answers from an uncaring corporation. Can't they give us detailed photos, design schematics and release dates down to the actual hour for upcoming toys?

  2. I heard at that Hasbro had a tollbooth Grand Slam figure, which sits in a tollbooth after retiring, but is naked from the waist down and the floor of the tollboth has an inch of Grapenuts cereal covering it. they'll scrap that idea and just make another Sgt. Slaughter.

  3. I can't wait for the movie adaptation of Brothas In Space!