Monday, February 7, 2011

G.I. Joe: Is it a surprise it's not popular?

Have you ever noticed G.I. Joe didn't really have a "Slow kid retard version"? I mean Transformers had Go-Bots, Masters Of The Universe had that one that was just a Furry version of Masters of the Universe, and the list probably goes on (I'm not going to look to see if there was a rival line to something I don't give a fuck about)

Sure there were probably three thousand knock offs like "THE CORPS!" "COMMANDO" "POWER COMMANDO" and "BLACK COMMANDO" but those were things you bought at the creepy ass toy store in the mall run by a dude with a mustache and a hawaiian shirt when you didn't want some gay figure like Zandar or Psyche Out. Perhaps G.I. Joe's popularity in the good old days was far overstated than we might think.

Now before some stupid fuck decides to quote that corporate insider book about 80's toys, I'd like to ask you what's more common "Some faggot hipster in a Transformers t-shirt with a jacket that has a "Bob Dole 1996" button" or "Some faggot hipster with a G.I. Joe t-shirt and a stupid hat of some sort". Obviously it's a the Transformers t-shirt. The only dudes I've ever seen wearing a G.I. Joe shirt are fat asses with greasy hair and a body hygiene rating of "Poor".

This isn't just a problem with G.I. Joe fans, it's a problem with the goddamn toys too. The last figure to have modern haircut was Helix from ROC, but seriously who the fuck still had a two-tone haircut in 2010? (I can't remember if ROC came out in 2010 but I don't really give a fuck) and before that it was motherfuckin' 1993 BulletProof (capitalizing on House Party 2)

So the long and short of this is, G.I. Joe wasn't, isn't and probably never will be Socially relevant outside of some goddamn jerks who like to believe President Obama was born "Somewhere in the country of Africa", and a smaller group of pretty cool dudes who populate STS and some of the other sites linked on the side (visit Cobra Cabana, motherfuckers)


  1. Trying to avoid sounding like a stupid fuck, the toys the kids of today are having armies and battles with are Star Wars. You can find kids making terrible videos of Star Wars stuff on youtube, but very few G.I. JOE ones, though. GI JOE is more likely to be drafted as fodder for Star Wars adventures...a reverse of the 80's where kids might use old Star Wars toys with GI JOE. 2010's record Star Wars sales in a non-movie year prove its kid appeal, while G.I. JOE is a b-list toy line. The movie didn't change that. A cartoon on an obscure cable network isn't going to change that. Jedi, clones, alien robots, super-heroes...are far more popular than army guys in this age.

  2. Dude, Bravo's all serious and REAL-ASS! I'm thinking EagleEyeJoe hacked his blog-o-spot account.

  3. i armybuild with the snails i find in the neighbor lady's garden. i am up to 5 snails!