STS' Kollector's Klub Koverage Part #1

First of all, we here at STS would like to commend the New Jersey Devils for making a valiant come-back from a 3-0 series deficit against the LA Kings, too bad that boy Adam Henrique was unable to power through terrible referees and a team full of lispy thugs and rapists.

Anyways, apparently it's G.I. Joe con time again, I didn't realize that until looking at Hiss Tank. Turns out the REAL EXPENSIVE 15 figure set is the cold war relic; The October Guard, as well as those space conquistador guys the Iron Grenadiers. So ya know, two sub-groups slightly cooler than Eco-Force.

The October Guard, or Oktober Guard, I can't remember how people spell it, all I know is, I am glad that "IRON BEAR" (whoever the fuck that is) is wearing his hat like a true Russian (Drunk). I guess now is as good as any to ask how the hell was "Schrage" pronounced..

Hell yeah what's with all the trench-coats, is it a high school in 1999?

The biggest bummer about this figure, other than the fact they're being sold at roughly 28 bucks a pop, is that they don't have the weird ass Destro head codpiece, that shit was hilarious because no matter how bad ass people would claim they were in vaguely interesting journal entries circa 2004,  they were still an orange and purple dude flying around with a dude's face plastered on their crotch.


Check back at a later date for part 2! (Pictures of fat people)

3-2 Motherfucker!

FUCK YOU, NEW YORK!

#2 in the goddamn league through having a good goalie and making everyone as slow as you.

Black Ripcord Part Whatever

If you've noticed the lack of activity, it's partially based on the fact that G.I. Joe is pretty stupid and outside of 30th Stalker, and 30th/Renegadez Storm Shadow has been a waste of time. The rest of it has been Dr. Henry E. Miller being tangled up in some rough stuff involving a burned out tractor trailer and "some motherfucker who runs a Gyro shop"

Anyways, I sauntered over to Hiss Tank today, and found some stereotypical HISS Tank nonsense. That place is a lot like working at a warehouse, you're surrounded by linear thinking racist pigs who know nothing except how to steal. Well here's some stupid ass pictures of people saying embarrassing things:



Is Jar Jar Binks even a relevant reference at this point? That guy wrecked the SERIOUS BUSINESS that was Star Wars, like 15 years ago, give it up, jesus.



This wouldn't be the reaction if Ripcord was "WHITE REDHEAD GUY FROM USA"



Holy hell that Troynos dude is still around? He started some "SECRETIONS FROM DA FILECARDS" thread that was even more tedious than reading "G.I. Joe: Iconoclast by Tim Elf"




I like how whenever Ripcord is brought up, dudes always pull out this mythical "Ripcord was a great character and very memorable" nonsense. Ripcord didn't do shit, and was a figure that was only better than the flame thrower faggot, and the Pippi Longstockings Indian medicine man.



You think some guy with a Wesley Willis quote in his signature would be a little more tolerant than a dude making a joke about the black guy dying first. Turns out he isn't! This guy should suck a male camel's dick.

Well on that note, the new Spring update has happened!

REAL TALK

Clutch, the victim of a savage beating in San Francisco



The thing Clutch has painted on the hood of his car


Clutch is great because he has a beard, a cool jeep and is a womanizer, heres some totally true facts about the best Joe ever:

- Clutch doesn't fuck around, one time Zap locked him out of the barracks, so Clutch dumped his old Christmas Tree on Zap's lawn.

- Clutch is Jewish and doesn't even celebrate Christmas but fuck Zap he has a dead ass tree to worry about.

- Clutch modified the radios in every Joe Vehicle to play Cosmos Factory on loop

- Clutch listens to nothing but Creedance Clearwater Revival, the only time he doesn't is when he listens to "Had To Cry Today" by Blind Faith, but thats only like once a month.

- Clutch and Rock And Roll got hired to build a shed once, but instead of building the shed, they smoked dope in the back of a van and played Nintendo, but still got paid because they got the high score in Double Dragon.

- Clutch named the VAMP "Jewish Lightning"

- Clutch cleaned out the inside of the MOBAT just to hide little slips of paper with Polish jokes on them so Steeler would get sad when he found them. "WHAT DO YOU CALL POLISH BODY ARMOR: STICKING THE TOP HALF OF YOUR BODY OUT OF THE TOP OF THE FUCKING TANK!"

- Clutch took a math test and the question asked "MARY HAS 3 APPLES AND 2 ORANGES BUT WHEN ADDED TOGETHER SHE GOT SIX, WHY IS MARY WRONG?" and Clutch just wrote down "SHES A WOMAN"


- When they told Clutch, Tom Fogerty was dead, Clutch burnt down Ohio.

- Clutch wrote all of Neil Young's lyrics

- Clutch hung out for like six weeks not paying hotel bills and picking up strange women in North L.A.

- Clutch went and hung out with Fidel Castro just so he could pick up some exotic looking bitches.

- Clutch is great you jerks.