Sunday, May 30, 2010

Ya know "Dr. Mindbender" isn't that stupid a code-name

I found some list of what code-names were also suggested by Larry Hama. Holy shit are a lot of them awful!

Snake Eyes-------------------------------------Spook
Cover Girl-----------------------------------------Hurricane Holga
Mutt & Junkyard-------------------------------Dog-Face & George/Dawg
Heavy Metal-------------------------------------Fast-Track/Road-Iron/Rolling-Jack/Bogie-Wheel
Lady Jaye----------------------------------------Lady Shea/Shady Lady/Sprite
Beach Head-------------------------------------Cool/Ambush/Mr. Bones
Iceberg--------------------------------------------Winter/Ice-Man/Cool Breeze/Chill
Fast Draw----------------------------------------Backfire
Hard Top------------------------------------------Four-Lane/Crusher/Turtle/Slo-Mo
Avalanche----------------------------------------Chill-Out/Glacier/North Wind
Hit & Run-----------------------------------------Night-Raid/Rope-Burn
Super Trooper-----------------------------------Hard Corps
Ambush-------------------------------------------Sgt. Hyde/Smokescreen
Cold Front----------------------------------------Big Chill/Cold Wave/Sub-Zero/Perma-Frost/Cold War/Cold Steel
Freefall--------------------------------------------Jump Master
Major Storm-------------------------------------Major Foray
Topside-------------------------------------------Barracuda/Snipe/Marlinspike/Swabbie/Salty Dog
Updraft--------------------------------------------Egg Beater
Skydive-------------------------------------------Jump Master
Heavy Duty--------------------------------------Cinder Block/Bulwark/Brick-Wall
Major Altitude-----------------------------------Air-Cav/Updraft/Whirlwind
Big Bear------------------------------------------Skulker

"Heat Man" What is this Mega Man? However my favorite is that Lightfoot could've had a name as awesome as "Chain-Fire" makes those rude Gordon Lightfoot cracks a lot worse in retrospect. Also Hardball could've had the most pornoriffic name ever with "High Pop"

Here's the Cobra list:

Major Bludd--------------------------------Major Chill
B.A.T.S.-------------------------------------B.A.T. (Battle Android Tactical)
Dr. Mindbender---------------------------Dr.?/Professor Paine/Count Vlad the Cruel/The Inquisitor
Serpentor-----------------------------------King Cobra/Cobra Rex/Rama Set/ZoR
Thrasher------------------------------------Basher/Mean-Streak/Bash McFeral/Cruncher
Big Boa-------------------------------------Snake-Charmer/Big Bad Boa
Croc Master-------------------------------Krawl
Crystal Ball--------------------------------Trance Master/Prof ID/Mesmeron/The Gazer
Zanzibar------------------------------------Dog Day/Top-Knot/Keel Haul
Hydro-Vipers-----------------------------Deep Demons
Iron Grenadiers--------------------------The Nameless Legion/The Stainless Steel Brigade/The Hard Corps
Toxo-Vipers-------------------------------Heavy Breathers/Gas-Vipers
Voltar---------------------------------------Graf Kondor/Lord Kondor/Madagascar/Field Marshall Null
Metal-Head-------------------------------Tank-Buster/Tank-Zapper/Squash-Head Harry/Salvo/Heat-Round
Night Creepers--------------------------Ghost-Tigers/Brotherhood of the Were-Tigers/Ghost-Dragons
Overlord------------------------------------Braco Dracommen/Carbo Medmornac
S.A.W.-Vipers---------------------------C.L.A.W.-Vipers (Cobra Light Automatic Weapons)
Interrogator--------------------------------Probe/Third Degree/Inquisitor
Night Vultures----------------------------Owlhoots
Sky Creeper------------------------------Sky Skull/Nightwing
Air Devils-----------------------------------Sky-Snakes/Vector-Vipers
Headman-----------------------------------Big man/High Roller
Storm Shadow-------------------------------Ghost-Shadow

Those Night Creeper ones are embarassing, and why did he try to give Zanzibar the name Keel Haul, It's not like Admiral Keel Haul wasn't released or anything! From now on Voltar should be referred too as "MADAGASCAR"

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The G.I. Joe online community sucks and other related comments!

But first some quotes that either I laughed at or I thought were a very apt description!

“Pop culturally, 80's GI JOE, while remembered by a generation, has never been that big, even amongst geek fandom. Just look online...mostly the same few hundred collectors...and what's out there probably doubled with the 25th series came out. And a lot of those people came and went.”

“I really wish that the GIJoe community was big enough (and I guess nerdy enough) to make something as complete as that TFwiki has grown to be over the past three years or so.”

The G.I. Joe online community is not a very big place, yet at the same time it is a place where people already in their own little bubble find a website and park that bubble down, allowing it to get even smaller.

Due to this, information all of a sudden becomes a hell of a lot more valuable, because other forms of dick-waving like “BUYING 1998 COBRA TROOPERS AND TAKING BLURRY PICTURES OF THEM STANDING THERE” come and go, but having knowledge or a picture of some crappy 1995 Star Brigade Firefly makes you a better person than me.

I read that guy complaining about the G.I. Joe wiki (wherever the fuck that is) and it dawned on me. There is no way one would work with how the fandom is. If you think about it for a minute, G.I. Joe fans are insular and they horde information, the idea that they’re going to go to a place that isn’t there own to post information that makes them better than everyone else is laughable. I recall when the aforementioned “picture of some crappy 1995 Star Brigade Firefly” showed up, the owner contacted the admin of Yo Joe! to have them to remove the image that’s on the board. Why? The dude who owned the figure was going to write an “Article” about it. That was an obviously bogus story as who actually writes articles like that?

It’s odd because this info is only really important to the people who own (Buyer’s remorse?) and the 26 people who still collect O-Ring A Real American Hero figures, 25th prototypes and such come out all the time and dudes into that share the info (Either to dick wave or they ain’t too sure as to how the G.I. Joe world work’s. That or web hits!) part of it might be due to eBay auctions from the land of mass production, pollution and probable targets for the Neutron Bomb selling off this junk.

For all the grief given to Mike T. he wasn’t afraid to show off and talk about his rare and occasionally useless prototypes, test shots and unproduced figures, I mean you’d get a story about how he did things as a kid or how if he owned that prototype as a kid he would’ve been waaaaaaay cooler than his neighbors, but still you got to see these things in pictures without either a big ass watermark or fear of it being removed.

So remember if you find a picture of something rare, download it. It’ll help you write articles, get membership to, be cooler than some people who live next door to Mike T. As that is the way of G.I. Joe fandom, and if people stop being back stabbing info hording jerks, what will I have write about? Tan Grunt? How I forgot to send in questions to a Hasbro Q&A asking “What’s the deal with Hiss Driver’s boots?” because those things are all a lot more difficult than yappin’ about nerds losing money and nerds being backstabbing jerks.

Also in regards to fandom isolation, HISS is the best example of that, all it’s members are jerks and all the jerks at other websites are all “LOL SCREW U BRO I AIN’T LINKING TO YOU (UNLESS CONVENIENT) FOR YOUR BEING MEAN TO JOECANUCK.COM” yet when a member there MURDERED someone it’s like “Oh well, they still post pix of new toyz”

In the end all I have to say to the G.I. Joe community is: I’ve got a picture of a prototype version of Cobra Commander, that YOU don’t, but I ain’t sharing

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

People are always saying stupid things

Smash the State is here to quote it!

Let's make this fun and I'll tell you where I read this stupid shit!


Is there a such thing as a "Casual G.I. Joe fan?" I mean I don't think there's a bunch of jerks out there who like G.I. Joe but not enough to look at it on the net, also fuck the Defiant, fuck space, and fuck you! "I agree. For the casual fan this might be fairly accurate, but for diehards it isn't. Leaving the Defiant off of a top 10 list of Gi Joe is a travesty."

Because it's easier than making something new! "I've been reading the Marvel run via IDW's reprint trades (and following along with the GI Joe review that Chad, Matt, and Christopher do) but one thing that I've been wondering about is why do the trades have J. Scott Campbell covers? From what I remember they were originally used for the DDP run for the first 8 issues or so, so the fact that they're reusing the covers for the original run really seems odd. Any ideas?"

I'm sure you actually have been thinking deeply about that. "I've been deeply thinking about this.
Cobra must be behind the volcano eruption in Iceland. With all the weather dominator and earthquake devices they have had in the past, this volcano eruption seems like it would be a very simple task technolgy-wise for them."

I do not know much about Power Rangers, but I'm sure this guy who does is in his 30's "I haven't watched any Power Rangers since I think it was Dino Rangers, the one where Tommy came back as a teacher/Ranger. I recall a magic themed one and another vehicle based one recently but they kinda lost my attention after Dino."

Here's my advice. DON'T. Don't make things out of foamcore and don't make STUPID things out of foamcore "i just made these little counters the other day out of foamboard. i want to make a little comicbook/record store dio with them. but i cant decide what color to paint them, also ive never painted foanboard before and wasnt sure if theres any problem with warping or water damage or whatever you want to call it with paint on foamboard?"

Joe Battle Lines

From someone who I assume is a furry and therefore probably shouldn't be on a message board about kids toys "Don't you mean what happened to your post? "

Tiger Force, I enjoy raping and murdering oriental women, getting paid would be great! "Which G.I.Joe subteam would you choose, and why?"

Double Clutch is a real character to some people! "Double Clutch & Dr. Venom-Bad mojo man......just baaaad mojo."

Usually I don't "out" the posters, but this is General Scarlett. I wouldn't trust her with a $5.00 bill let alone a HASBRO FAN-FIC Department: "I would so love to spearhead a sub-division of Hasbro that deals with fanfic. There are so many talented people out there who have talent that would fuel the line through this medium. C'mon Hasbro!!"


Yeah, let me guess Ripcord should be a Caucasian too "yes, this soon, we need a reboot w/ 30 yr to 40 yr actors and more accurate cobra costumes!"

Holy Fuck, this guy is SERIOUS about rankings of Cobra soldiers, I'll post 2.

Blue Shirts
Equivalent Rank: O-1 through O-9/E-4 through E-9
Role: These are equivalent to officers and NCOs of the US military. They are a "cut above" your standard Cobra sort. Usually a bit more smarter and more adept to be wasted as battlefield fodder.
Becoming a Blue Shirt: Simply sign up, dodge the red tracer, and take an incredible amount of abuse from superiors.

Crimson Guard
Equivalent Rank: O-4 through O-9
Role: Way too valuable for the common battlefield, Crimson Guardsmen are the highest echelon of Cobra forces. They are decreed professionals and specialist in their field. So much that they are often not put into battle but rather best suited for infiltration and espionage.
Becoming a CG: Get a college degree from a credited university (the more prestigious, the better). Get a job at one of the many companies in which Extensive Enterprises is the parent corporation. Prove yourself in your field and be noticed by the CEOs, then undergo an extensive initiation program.

The best friend he was talking to, had been dead for 15 years "Me and my best friend have been caught up in trying to get all the new waves, we hit 9 or 10 stores tonight over a 6 hour and 215 miles road trip ( scoring wave 4 storm shadow, scarlett, duke, gung ho and cc ) talking the whole time how we loved Joes, grew out of them, and ended up destroying our collections just to act cool and grown up"

I don't know what the hell I can joke about here "OK, here's how this work,you can pick only one female joe, america to International ,and tell us why she should be the top female joe of all time, IT can be cobra or joe, and lets keep it clean. discussion are now open.."

I'll get right on it! "the is gone and we have to find the owner of the website name David Thornton!"

In a thread called "Time to beat up a Joe or Cobra... who would you choose there was this real fucked up thing "the Baroness, i'd knock that bitch out cold..."

I thought that was bad but then HOLY FUCK IT GETS WORSE: "Lady Jay...then I'd do things to her"

Well that's it, I can't take anymore of these creeps.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Jr0d28 is the weirdest dude to ever live

The Majority of this blog's legwork was done by the great Dan Sartain, I'd suggest you buy his music!

JR0D is a guy of dubious intellect and skill, yet somehow can use a computer! Let's take a look at his customs!

If you didn't realize why Michael Myers killed all those women, it's because he's gay!

Indiana Jones and Burt Reynolds as "The Bandit"

I can't say anything about this.

JR0D also likes candy:

"thats how I got my wife to notice me, I was sitting with all my friends and she was sittin at table talkin with this one guy. Well across the cafeteria area this chick was giving her BF HELL that her chips got stuck. Hes there shoving and rockin the machine I could not bare to see him embarrass himself anymore. I excused myself from table walked over told the couple "gimmie some room" I elevated vending machine against the wall at the time I was doin weight lifting and the machime was light too me. As I had it elevated I slammed it back to normal upright position and the candy,chips, and stuff all coughed out like coins in a Vegas Slot Machine. Gave the chips to the guy to give to his chick and I grabbed a bag of peanuts for me and a Whatchamaclit I was gonna eat it but instead gave it to my soon to be in the future wife at the time. So after 1 month from that incident we hooked up and been married damn near 3 yrs. Diamonds a girls best friend BULLSHIT give them some chocolate and they will love you to the day you die!"


"when we were kids this one house the guy gave away cans of beer and got busted my dad made me go three times to the house, said this was better than goin to the store."

That explains a lot!

Also he once made a post about Cheese.

"Favorite Cheese "

His own response
"No brainer thread

Mines Nacho"

our ol' friend Jr0d28 then went on to say-"guess this thread not as crazy as chicken one."

Indeed. This post isn't crazier than the one where I made socio-political comments about fake Action Figures and how it prevents us from being able to buy Health Insurance

Monday, May 3, 2010

Retarded things said in Dio Stories

Dio Stories are generally stupid. In a Dio Story the dialog is generally really stupid, today here are some gems!

"Not Even Hitler..."

HITLER WOULDN'T CONSIDER HANGING OUT WITH DRUG DEALERS? What the fuck General Hawk that is a pretty stupid idea!. I mean anyone can look up the holocaust and see that "Well gee, Hitler hung out with some really bad folks" but nope, a drug dealer is worse, remember folks selling drugs is worse than killing MILLIONS of Jews, Blacks, Gays, Feebs, abd Gypsies!

I like how Mercer is hostile towards the Jesus guy and is all "I DON'T NEED FRIENDS" it's like a Jack T. Chick tract. I mean what the hell!

This isn't dialog but rather narration, it's still dumb! What Jungle in South America looks like that? (Answer: None, there is a different climate which results in a different type of vegetation living in it) also it says Hit N Run's been imprisoned for nearly a year, shit in real life it was like 3!

That's all I'm bothered to find now, I could credit the dio authors but let's just say Tim Elf and General Hawk can't hold a candle to dio dudes like Fireflyed, Outrider, Lava Boss, RTG, Von Victor, or HenrikZetterburg