Thursday, March 25, 2010

Mental illness, missing parts and hillbilly ski-do's!

You know who's surprisingly popular despite looking like a homosexual, has a lot of easily lost parts and was more science fiction than Serpentor (and Serpentor was made up of the DNA of History's greatest monsters and a pro wrestler). Zartan

Zartan turns blue for some reason, I do not know what the reasoning was other than it was fucking goofy. One time in 2009 I was in a grocery store and I was walking down some aisle looking for toothpicks, which are always somewhere really fucking inconvenient, but I saw this dude who's skin was like navy fucking blue. He had like white hair and dark blue skin, and judging by his facial features he was a white dude. Anyways I guess that proves Zartan's super power isn't too far fetched.

Now the blue skin part is annoying, it means you need a boxcutter to open the fucking jerk, which is an awful lot of work to change an O-ring, but it's not even the worst thing about the fucking guy, I guess because he's an Extreme Paranoid he doesn't wear a shirt but rather he puts on a belly shirt with saran wrap over the nipples and it falls off all the fucking time. He also has those on his thighs, hey Zartan, fuck you!

Also he had a goddamn thing on his head that might've been a rag or a hair. You could take it out and replace it with Buzzer's hair, Spirit's hair, Baroness' hair or Raptor's bird thing. You couldn't however replace it with 1993 Zartan's mohawk. The world mourns the lack of squeegee kid Zartan customs.

He also had a Swamp Skier. It looks like a hunk a junk. So rather than fire some dummy in design they just said "these small vehicles fall apart all the time, look at the Silver Mirage! just make some box to throw busted thing into!" So you could put your swamp skier into a box and then put Zartan's backpack face on him and be all "Look at that old feeb with the box a junk, if this was 'Nam we could kill him and score some smack"

Here are some photos the only friend of Smash The State was commissioned to do:


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