Sunday, October 3, 2010

Other uses for G.I. Joe figures

In 1984 I mailed a letter to Hasbro, I would scan it but ya know, I mailed it to Hasbro. I didn't make a rough copy, I was a kid. However I do remember what it said: "Dear Hasbro; I like G.I. Joe toys but sometimes all this army stuff isn't what I want to do, it could brainwash me into becoming a bullet catcher. I do not want to die man"

Here is what I received in return. It's been framed ever since I received it so no scans.

"Tired of playing army? Well fuck you kid this ain't a love-in. God damn Canadians. Anyways, we here at Hasbro have been prepared for this because there's a strong opposition to Reagan's America, you fucking liberal panty-wastes. Hheres(sic) our suggestions:

1982 Scarlett: Aerobics Instructor
1982 Stalker: Rapist
1983 Ace: Astronaut
1983 Snowjob: Skier
1983 Gung Ho: Re-enact the movie "Cruising"
1983 Cobra Commander: Politician
1983 Duke: Track Hero
1983 Destro: Disco Party
1984 Spirit: Tonto
1984 Mutt: Butcher at a Deli
1984 Cutter: Re-enact the movie "Cruising"
1984 Roadblock: Gang member
1984 Zartan: Homeless

Ron Rudat

p.s. Next Year you can buy an Aircraft carrier, tell your parents"

I don't know why Hasbro gave me suggestions with such adult situations, all I know is I've never been able to look at Ace v1 since that cold October morning


  1. Ron "Rude" Rudat pwned kid-you.

  2. Hasbro wisely kept you Canadians in line, you even bought the 'Tundra Rapist' version of Stalker when he came out, and the 'Hormone Therapy Aerobics Instructor' in the Ninja Force line. yo joe!

  3. Cutter was way less gay than GH!

  4. Maybe you should spend more time prepping the post. This isn't even remotely funny. In fact, it's hateful... oh wait, that's what you're promoting. Sorry, forgot.

  5. smash the state are grown ass men and don't bojangle for anybody, shut up you awful jerk