Goodnight, and good luck.

Yeah, that's part of what bothers me: the horseshit. You want a nude toy? Well, that's just dicked up, so don't try to tell me you're anything other than a perverted deviant. Toys aren't art, they're a mass-produced consumer good, and you ain't no artist. A nekkid toy, complete with ugly twat, has only one purpose, and it has nothing to do with art. There's an implication inherent in turning a kid's toy into a piece of porn. It means you're a weirdo who has sexualized toys/geek pop culture. It means the thought of a toy with a cunt turns you on. That, by extension, means you connect sex with childhood/childish things. Newsflash, asshole, there's a strong chance you might be an active or a latent pedophile, and that's the bit that really bothers me. I don't cotton to that shit.

Felonious Monk

4 years of this shit! (Nerds Losing Money pts i-iv)

Yeah, just like last year we fucked up and got the date wrong! Also Dr. Henry E. Miller was too busy puffin' mad chron and impersonating MF Doom. I was too busy ghostwriting episodes of "Anderson Cooper 360º" and building a fence. Also, fuck you, if you're all "Jesus Johnny Turk, didn't you just post about an anniversary of this awful place" probably, but still fuck you, it works for the G.I. Joe line.

Anyways, as always being awesome fucking dudes here's a great thing from a long long time ago:



From July 2008's era of fictitious lawsuits and when we thought it was hilarious to claim Levar Burton was our PR man. Also prior to us having readers


Something written by Doctor Henry E. Miller that is more topical than ever!

The Doctors Short Takes Part Duex
Don't you idiots get it that by getting your panties in a bunch over the RARE AND EXCLUSIVE FIGURRRRUZ! that we ONLY HAVE ONE CHANCE TO GETTTT! you are creating your own fucking problem and building a market for the scalpers you detest so much?

It's like junkies who hate their heroin.


Anyways as always STS would like to thank the following people, places and things for not being total post-hetero landscapes

Last Best Angry Man
Felonious Monk
Bravo and the Cobra Cabana
Dan Sartain
The Electric Light Orchestra
Marlon Wayans
The Cool NHL Teams (Detroit, New Jersey, Montreal)
And a maybe to D.Verg

First world problems in San Diego and elsewhere

Smash The State has not been terribly active this summer due to the following:

1. Puffing mad chron
2. Attenting "Black Beach Week"
3. Racing motorbikes

so while we we're doing all kinds of cool shit this summer, thousands of dumb nerds went to San Diego with the hope of paying inflated ass prices for some dumb "exclusive" toy that at the time of this writing Dr. Henry E. Miller doesn't even know what they look like

But wait, lets back peddle a hair here, while thousands of sweaty nerds flew to goddamned California, another bunch sat on their computers and tried to buy these exclusives on Hasbro Toy Shop. Apparently a bunch of them tried to buy shit at once and HTS broke or something and nerds couldn't buy con exclusive copping heroin zartan or whatever, and of course it led to OUTRAGES like this:

Hasbro must read this.
Please allow me to be candid..

I was there at 11:30 and put a Starscream in my basket several times.... Everytime it crashed. I reloaded, restarted the transaction... everything.

Once Starscream was gone.. I went after pink Zarana. Didn't even try for the cold slither version. Everytime i tryed to pay.... IT CRASHED.

This was completely fucking awful. I have NEVER had such an awful experience trying to buy anything in my ENTIRE life.

I have been one of the biggest proponents and supporters of Hasbro through the years. But this.... just disgusting.

Here is what i don't get.. There was a time where there was an amazing brand under Hasbro called GI Joe. We grew up with it. We have supported it for 30 fucking years. The Hasbro team almost completely fucking killed it with that piece of shit Rise of Cobra movie, and we ... US... THE FUCKING COLLECTORS, are the only ones keeping their brand alive and those team members employed.... and they FUCKED us.

I was fully prepared to give roughly $100 for your product.. and you said, No.

Doesn't it seem against your better interests to make it so incredibly difficult to buy your product when it's falling on the brink?

Hasbro, you bit the hand that feeds you.

For the record nerdo, you haven't supported the line for 30 years, your parents most likely bought your goddamned toys when you were a kid, unless your like 60 years old like Thomas Wheeler.

While thousands (actually probably a hundred or so) got all angry at an overloaded online cart system, back at the Real Ass Comic Con this happened:



Check it out, 15 minutes of live ass video featuring a 70 year old woman (???) ranting about how Hasbro DROPPED THE BALL and screwed her out of toys or something.

Apparently a guard "touched" people and told them to leave while some other dude yelled about throwing down 75 bones for "preview" night and that he has WAITED 3 HOURS, then a "Hasbro sucks" chant starts and everyone in the crowd looks like the fucking losers that they are. They make it sound like they are actually waiting in line for something cool like a copy of Thin Lizzy - Jailbreak or toys that aren't some dumb variant.

One thing Hasbro doesn't suck at is making nerds lose money!

Oh and they set up a Diorama with the Flagg and people got all sweaty about that because HASBRO WONT TAKE THE RISK ON A NEW ONE or something. GI Joe is going to die in 2012. Whoop there it is

Pop Culture References in G.I. Joe Missed by Jerks.

The G.I. Joe comic book was occasionally better than a STAR COMICS imprint, because of this there were a number of references that dudes into G.I. Joe (Fat white guys) missed. A great example of this is Marvel G.I. Joe # 12 (June, 1983)


Real ass quotes from the first two comic recaps I found: Yo Joe's says this "the streets of San Francisco. The chase continues through the streets with exchange of gunfire between the Joes and the Cobra operatives. An unsuspecting civilian, in his car, haphazardly places himself in the path of the oncoming Cobra van subsequently has his car ripped to shreds as the van then the VAMP tear right through it."

MyUselessKnowledge had this to say "..." nothing, because that site is pretty useless and has had the same 80 Comic summaries since like 2000!

Anyways the "unsuspecting civilian" is actually a clever stereotype providing an ironic reference. Check these images!







There's a reference to a pretty fucking rad band, known as the Plasmatics, who's lead singer would blow cars up and destroy television's in an effort to subvert materialistic pricks. Could the fact there was a reference to that in the most materialistic type of media (Toy Commercials) be subtle irony or Larry Hama just thinking "Shit there's punk rockers in San Francisco". I'm going with the latter, as Mohawk boy is more of a caricature of an image obsessed L.A. punk from the late 70's.

Am I surprised no one ever mentioned this sly reference? Nope! G.I. Joe is pretty good at attracting dudes with bad taste and a lack of awareness to cultural phenomenon's that aren't "80's toys" and "Action Movies"

Great Moments in HISS Tank HISStory

*Screenshot unavailable*

"Rest In Peace Rocky
Posted on 04-02-2010 at 08:17 PM by C.I.A.D.
Rocky-Profile-Pic---HissTank It is with a very heavy heart that I post this message. This past Wednesday, long time HissTank Forum Member rocky was found dead in his apartment.

Rocky, for better or worse at times, was a very vocal part of this board and he'll truly be missed.

Sorry to see you go, Rocky.

If you would like to share your condolences, please click on the discuss button below."

Beer plus G.I. Joe (and maybe Broca Blutch but fuck those happy popular jerks) = this


Roadblock: Grunt, what the fuck. We had Cobra lined up like a duck.
Grunt: LISTEN UP ROADCOKE WHERE IS TRIPWIRE


Grunt: I FOUND THIS IN HIS PLACE OF RESIDENCE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?
Roadblock: He found that chains are the way to gain?
Grunt: JESUS SHUT UP!




Grunt: OH GOD TRIPWIRE THIS IS WORSE THAN BECOMING A PORNOGRAPHIC MOVIE ACTOR, YOU ARE NOW IN TIGER FORCE. BOMB SQUAD NEEDS YOU

Tripwire: Where are the Orientals

Roadblock: 'Nam is over. Over like Rover.

Grunt: WHERE IS THE PURPLE OUTFIT. FIRST I DON'T GET TO MACY'S BECAUSE OF A BALD MAN AND NOW MY BEST FRIEND IS A MEMBER OF HISSTANK.COM

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I accidently deleted a Tom Jacks post.

I'm not sorry! However to make up for it Here's some Smash The State Classics:

ILOVEBLACKRIPCORD.COM [January 4th, 2009, a poll on HISS Tank.com about Black Ripcord being Black]



Ed Note: Holy shit I forgot people actually voted for those!




Black people, bananas? You draw comparisons



ARGH MY SUPER HEROES



GUYS THE G.I. JOE MOVIE IS ONLY A SCAM TO MAKE MONEY! THESE LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD BIG-WIGZ DON'T CARE ABOUT G.I. JOE. I ONLY TRUST LARRY HAMA THE ONLY GUY TO DO ANYTHING WITH G.I. JOE, HE DID EVERYTHING, SCULPT, PAINT, NAME, FINANCE, DRAW, AND PACKAGE EVERY G.I. JOE EVER!




I guess Snake Eyes is cast wrong, as he's from AMERICA LAND OF THE FREE HOME OF THE BRAVE. Not some Scottish guy


Says the guy with the revised Lifeline Avatar

Where's my vest? (The Return)

1991 Grunt: "HEY JOKEBLOCK. WHERE IS MY VEST?"
Mr Fuji. Roadblock: "That was two years ago. I suggest you let it go!"
1991 Grunt: "NOT UNTIL WE GET TO THAT FUCKING MACY'S, WHERE IS TRIPWIRE AT?"
Mr Fuji. Roadblock: "I saw him the other day, Cobra Troopers were taking him away"
1991 Grunt: "YOU AND YOUR FUCKING RIDDLES ROADTOAD"

Will they ever find their Purple Foreign Friend? Check back sometime and we might have updated


STS friend Roland da Thompson Gunner took the photo. He didn't want credit!

I'M THE GREATEST SON OF A BITCH THAT EVER LIVED