STS' Kollector's Klub Koverage Part #1

First of all, we here at STS would like to commend the New Jersey Devils for making a valiant come-back from a 3-0 series deficit against the LA Kings, too bad that boy Adam Henrique was unable to power through terrible referees and a team full of lispy thugs and rapists.

Anyways, apparently it's G.I. Joe con time again, I didn't realize that until looking at Hiss Tank. Turns out the REAL EXPENSIVE 15 figure set is the cold war relic; The October Guard, as well as those space conquistador guys the Iron Grenadiers. So ya know, two sub-groups slightly cooler than Eco-Force.

The October Guard, or Oktober Guard, I can't remember how people spell it, all I know is, I am glad that "IRON BEAR" (whoever the fuck that is) is wearing his hat like a true Russian (Drunk). I guess now is as good as any to ask how the hell was "Schrage" pronounced..

Hell yeah what's with all the trench-coats, is it a high school in 1999?

The biggest bummer about this figure, other than the fact they're being sold at roughly 28 bucks a pop, is that they don't have the weird ass Destro head codpiece, that shit was hilarious because no matter how bad ass people would claim they were in vaguely interesting journal entries circa 2004,  they were still an orange and purple dude flying around with a dude's face plastered on their crotch.


Check back at a later date for part 2! (Pictures of fat people)

3-2 Motherfucker!

FUCK YOU, NEW YORK!

#2 in the goddamn league through having a good goalie and making everyone as slow as you.

Black Ripcord Part Whatever

If you've noticed the lack of activity, it's partially based on the fact that G.I. Joe is pretty stupid and outside of 30th Stalker, and 30th/Renegadez Storm Shadow has been a waste of time. The rest of it has been Dr. Henry E. Miller being tangled up in some rough stuff involving a burned out tractor trailer and "some motherfucker who runs a Gyro shop"

Anyways, I sauntered over to Hiss Tank today, and found some stereotypical HISS Tank nonsense. That place is a lot like working at a warehouse, you're surrounded by linear thinking racist pigs who know nothing except how to steal. Well here's some stupid ass pictures of people saying embarrassing things:



Is Jar Jar Binks even a relevant reference at this point? That guy wrecked the SERIOUS BUSINESS that was Star Wars, like 15 years ago, give it up, jesus.



This wouldn't be the reaction if Ripcord was "WHITE REDHEAD GUY FROM USA"



Holy hell that Troynos dude is still around? He started some "SECRETIONS FROM DA FILECARDS" thread that was even more tedious than reading "G.I. Joe: Iconoclast by Tim Elf"




I like how whenever Ripcord is brought up, dudes always pull out this mythical "Ripcord was a great character and very memorable" nonsense. Ripcord didn't do shit, and was a figure that was only better than the flame thrower faggot, and the Pippi Longstockings Indian medicine man.



You think some guy with a Wesley Willis quote in his signature would be a little more tolerant than a dude making a joke about the black guy dying first. Turns out he isn't! This guy should suck a male camel's dick.

Well on that note, the new Spring update has happened!

REAL TALK

Clutch, the victim of a savage beating in San Francisco



The thing Clutch has painted on the hood of his car


Clutch is great because he has a beard, a cool jeep and is a womanizer, heres some totally true facts about the best Joe ever:

- Clutch doesn't fuck around, one time Zap locked him out of the barracks, so Clutch dumped his old Christmas Tree on Zap's lawn.

- Clutch is Jewish and doesn't even celebrate Christmas but fuck Zap he has a dead ass tree to worry about.

- Clutch modified the radios in every Joe Vehicle to play Cosmos Factory on loop

- Clutch listens to nothing but Creedance Clearwater Revival, the only time he doesn't is when he listens to "Had To Cry Today" by Blind Faith, but thats only like once a month.

- Clutch and Rock And Roll got hired to build a shed once, but instead of building the shed, they smoked dope in the back of a van and played Nintendo, but still got paid because they got the high score in Double Dragon.

- Clutch named the VAMP "Jewish Lightning"

- Clutch cleaned out the inside of the MOBAT just to hide little slips of paper with Polish jokes on them so Steeler would get sad when he found them. "WHAT DO YOU CALL POLISH BODY ARMOR: STICKING THE TOP HALF OF YOUR BODY OUT OF THE TOP OF THE FUCKING TANK!"

- Clutch took a math test and the question asked "MARY HAS 3 APPLES AND 2 ORANGES BUT WHEN ADDED TOGETHER SHE GOT SIX, WHY IS MARY WRONG?" and Clutch just wrote down "SHES A WOMAN"


- When they told Clutch, Tom Fogerty was dead, Clutch burnt down Ohio.

- Clutch wrote all of Neil Young's lyrics

- Clutch hung out for like six weeks not paying hotel bills and picking up strange women in North L.A.

- Clutch went and hung out with Fidel Castro just so he could pick up some exotic looking bitches.

- Clutch is great you jerks.

The Ugly American

We here at Smash The State have for years mentioned that G.I. Joe fans are generally stupid arrogant buttfuckers, and well here's some more photographic proof!

But first a little background. Some nerd posted this article on The Stank: http://www.oafe.net/blog/2011/12/holidays-by-hasbro-transformers-from-hell/ As you figured, negative comments about the corporation that provides them with almost as much joy as Frito-Lay products, as well as people in other countries leads to HILARIOUS comments.



Note the signature glorifying rape.




He's probably not joking




Ya know, all these crazy ass opinions are coming from States that tend to believe Professional Wrestling is real. I wonder if there's a correlation.




Holy christ.



Note, at this point there were maybe 3 posts saying "Hey, this is horrible"




"Umbusu"




"Liberal Propaganda" "Get out of your mom's basement" "Picture of a bunch of shitty tattoos" If only he had more spelling errors and a picture of an ugly woman I'd win at "G.I. Joe fuck head BINGO"




Real Talk: I skimmed through this one, blanked out after the first "Commie" and then paid attention at the Reagan quote but stopped paying attention again.



Well that was what it was, however with the rising cost of shipping things, these dudes are probably gonna wind up working in a factory!

Goodnight, and good luck.

Yeah, that's part of what bothers me: the horseshit. You want a nude toy? Well, that's just dicked up, so don't try to tell me you're anything other than a perverted deviant. Toys aren't art, they're a mass-produced consumer good, and you ain't no artist. A nekkid toy, complete with ugly twat, has only one purpose, and it has nothing to do with art. There's an implication inherent in turning a kid's toy into a piece of porn. It means you're a weirdo who has sexualized toys/geek pop culture. It means the thought of a toy with a cunt turns you on. That, by extension, means you connect sex with childhood/childish things. Newsflash, asshole, there's a strong chance you might be an active or a latent pedophile, and that's the bit that really bothers me. I don't cotton to that shit.

Felonious Monk

(Smash The State eats itself)

A figure review.

G.I. Joe is a pretty retarded thing, that really should've been dead and buried for 10 years at this point, however that is not the case, and we've been subject to A LOT of terrible things, such as everything from 2002-2006, that gay movie, Resolute, and a lot of other things I never actually paid attention to.

Occasionally however there is a G.I. Joe that still has THE STUFF. Today, Smash The State is going to discuss the most recent G.I. Joe that has THE STUFF, don't expect a lot of knowledge or wittiness because fuck you we don't care, and the best reviewer of G.I. Joe toys Last Best Angry Man is too busy driving his new car in the Alkali Flats

2011 Stalker is a rad as fuck figure, he doesn't look like a fucking cartoon, doesn't have bright colours, has a machete and above all else looks like a member of the Black Panther Party, I haven't seen anyone mention that, but it's probably because most white bread honky fuckers into G.I. Joe are thinking "Stalker is Snake Eyes and Tommy's best friend, he didn't kill cops or sell drugs in the 70's"

So basically buy this figure, it's a true throw back to the days of G.I. Joe being President Reagan's official gang, full of people from Ohio or high school dropouts (they're the same thing amirite)

Real Life G.I. Joes Part II

File Photo of a Racist, Christian Activist


"...a series of emails that show an influential evangelical activist with close ties to the Perry campaign stressing the political importance of “juxtaposing traditional Christianity to the false God of Mormonism,” and calling for a “clarion call to Evangelical pastors and pews” that will be “the key to the primary” for Perry.

The activist in question is David Lane, a conservative Christian power broker who directed fundraising for Perry’s August prayer rally "


“Lane is the mysterious, behind the scenes, evangelical kingmaker who stormed into Iowa in 2008 and tilted the whole thing from Romney to Huckabee.”



What in the fuck is Sure Fire's problem?

NHL PREDICTIONS 2011

THE COMPLETE PUSSIFICATION OF A ONCE NOBLE SPORT

http://angelfire.com/80s/punk&joe.shtml

This is the only known screengrab of the ORIGINAL STS website circa 1998, after abandoning a print zine because "That fucking kraut at the print shop in Bay Port can't take a fucking joke" and the desire to "Step into the fucking grid, man, it's 1998" Smash The State had a website cooler then the original General Hawk site.

Right after it's second update, Dr. Henry E. Miller went to go live in the woods till 2005 and Johnny Turk did "A bunch of rad stuff"

Hero Worship.

On June 12th 1994 We lock a remarkable Soul.......Voice actor Chris Latta (best known for his voicework as Cobra Commander on SUNBOW'S G.I.JOE).

Every year my club holds a moment of silence in honour and memory of MR. LATTA.


This year on June 12th at Noon (Central time U.S.) we'll hold 3 minutes of silence to honour MR. Latta.

And we'd like for you to join us, and honour his memory.


Remarkable Soul = shitty stand-up comic?

Playing dress up (Guns with orange caps, and the overweight)

A child from make a wish foundation gets to go to Disney ok? What does this child see? His or her Heroes.. Mickey, Minnie, Goofy , Donald and the gang right? They might not have a tomorrow as I had stated in a previous post.

Now... A form of this happened with us as I also stated... had a boy in a wheelchair from this foundation roll up and we were asked if we could have a photo taken.. the boy's fav character had been Flint... It isn't about the cosplaying RPG ... It is about making fans like the both of you to take home a lasting memory.. When that boy see's a Flint character He can say'' Hey! I know that guy! I shook his hand! He told me He'd always fight for my freedom, where ever there's trouble!" Just a simple hand shake... means a world of difference to someone who might not have much of a tomorrow to look forward to.

Now for !!SE!!.. what he did for the kids and other fans alike was into seriously interacting with them.. LLC did this as well. A boy went to pose with SnakeLLC and the look on his face was worth more then the price of a full attendee package. Words cannot express what that boy felt holding one of Snake's Katana's and posing with him to defend against a possible onslaught of Cobra troopers! YOU say your imagination works differently? so do those fans who got a chance to meet their favorite Joes. That boy went home with a memory of.. I met Snake eyes!

That is why we do what we do. Without characters to physically talk to and have fun with... what good is it? Hasbro backed our ideas and many of them were estatic that we were there to represent Jinx, Snake-Eyes, Storm Shadow, Lowlight, Zarana and Covergirl.. We did it for the backbone of the convention."


That's the rantings of the deranged minds of some creep who dresses up like a goddamned toy. Dressing up in lobbies of 2 star hotel convention centres isn't it.



War Machine.

I don't know what the fuck this is. Underneath a horrible Rap-Metal song with such poignant lyrics as "DON'T THINK ABOUT IT, ACT UPON IT", is what appears to be some assholes dressed up as army guys and running around some Central American torture hole stopping TERRORISTS from their underage girl kidnapping ring. Or something. Also Duke is some William Hopper looking prick who sure hates trees.



There's also something that was probably recorded a lot earlier than the box office hunk-a-junk known as Rise Of Cobra



I just wanna know how someone convinced there Dad to play a character. Roadblock is from Ghana, apparently, and is pretty terrible at rhyming since he rhymed "Ass" with "Ass".


I understand, that G.I. Joe fans are generally less interested in anything that isn't "Just like the good old days!" or "Action packed thrill rides" but christ isn't there something less obnoxious to do? Like Grunt getting PTSD and getting kicked out of the army and driving through that ghetto known as "Ohio" or some shit.

Another post about Hisstank (with more creepy imagery)

We here at Smash The State have wasted A LOT of time explaining how G.I. Joe fans are generally awful people, ya know misogynistic creeps, fat dudes, fundamentalist Christians, and dudes who listen to heavy metal. The greatest way to find this out is to take a visit to the 'Stank, there's all sorts of fuck ups there! From Jr0d to Unclassified (The dude who threatened to beat up Last Best Angry Man at a G.I. Joe convention in the previous post) and a guy who's just as fucked up as those two clowns!

Weezus.

Weezus is a guy who has a stupid haircut and used to brag on HISS Tank about how he always got into fights and was super tough. Usually when someone brags about how much they fight, and they're on the internet, it's obvious that they're lying! However Weezus also posted pictures of him looking like the victim of a good ol' fashion fag drag! Turns out he was a backyard wrestler.


A real ass appearance by the Doctor


Well, today I saw our dear friend Weezus was asking about the legality of a t-shirt. Well this is the t-shirt:




I hope he goes to jail!

Ladies and Gentleman: Hisstank.com

4 years of this shit! (Nerds Losing Money pts i-iv)

Yeah, just like last year we fucked up and got the date wrong! Also Dr. Henry E. Miller was too busy puffin' mad chron and impersonating MF Doom. I was too busy ghostwriting episodes of "Anderson Cooper 360º" and building a fence. Also, fuck you, if you're all "Jesus Johnny Turk, didn't you just post about an anniversary of this awful place" probably, but still fuck you, it works for the G.I. Joe line.

Anyways, as always being awesome fucking dudes here's a great thing from a long long time ago:



From July 2008's era of fictitious lawsuits and when we thought it was hilarious to claim Levar Burton was our PR man. Also prior to us having readers


Something written by Doctor Henry E. Miller that is more topical than ever!

The Doctors Short Takes Part Duex
Don't you idiots get it that by getting your panties in a bunch over the RARE AND EXCLUSIVE FIGURRRRUZ! that we ONLY HAVE ONE CHANCE TO GETTTT! you are creating your own fucking problem and building a market for the scalpers you detest so much?

It's like junkies who hate their heroin.


Anyways as always STS would like to thank the following people, places and things for not being total post-hetero landscapes

Last Best Angry Man
Felonious Monk
Bravo and the Cobra Cabana
Dan Sartain
The Electric Light Orchestra
Marlon Wayans
The Cool NHL Teams (Detroit, New Jersey, Montreal)
And a maybe to D.Verg

First world problems in San Diego and elsewhere

Smash The State has not been terribly active this summer due to the following:

1. Puffing mad chron
2. Attenting "Black Beach Week"
3. Racing motorbikes

so while we we're doing all kinds of cool shit this summer, thousands of dumb nerds went to San Diego with the hope of paying inflated ass prices for some dumb "exclusive" toy that at the time of this writing Dr. Henry E. Miller doesn't even know what they look like

But wait, lets back peddle a hair here, while thousands of sweaty nerds flew to goddamned California, another bunch sat on their computers and tried to buy these exclusives on Hasbro Toy Shop. Apparently a bunch of them tried to buy shit at once and HTS broke or something and nerds couldn't buy con exclusive copping heroin zartan or whatever, and of course it led to OUTRAGES like this:

Hasbro must read this.
Please allow me to be candid..

I was there at 11:30 and put a Starscream in my basket several times.... Everytime it crashed. I reloaded, restarted the transaction... everything.

Once Starscream was gone.. I went after pink Zarana. Didn't even try for the cold slither version. Everytime i tryed to pay.... IT CRASHED.

This was completely fucking awful. I have NEVER had such an awful experience trying to buy anything in my ENTIRE life.

I have been one of the biggest proponents and supporters of Hasbro through the years. But this.... just disgusting.

Here is what i don't get.. There was a time where there was an amazing brand under Hasbro called GI Joe. We grew up with it. We have supported it for 30 fucking years. The Hasbro team almost completely fucking killed it with that piece of shit Rise of Cobra movie, and we ... US... THE FUCKING COLLECTORS, are the only ones keeping their brand alive and those team members employed.... and they FUCKED us.

I was fully prepared to give roughly $100 for your product.. and you said, No.

Doesn't it seem against your better interests to make it so incredibly difficult to buy your product when it's falling on the brink?

Hasbro, you bit the hand that feeds you.

For the record nerdo, you haven't supported the line for 30 years, your parents most likely bought your goddamned toys when you were a kid, unless your like 60 years old like Thomas Wheeler.

While thousands (actually probably a hundred or so) got all angry at an overloaded online cart system, back at the Real Ass Comic Con this happened:



Check it out, 15 minutes of live ass video featuring a 70 year old woman (???) ranting about how Hasbro DROPPED THE BALL and screwed her out of toys or something.

Apparently a guard "touched" people and told them to leave while some other dude yelled about throwing down 75 bones for "preview" night and that he has WAITED 3 HOURS, then a "Hasbro sucks" chant starts and everyone in the crowd looks like the fucking losers that they are. They make it sound like they are actually waiting in line for something cool like a copy of Thin Lizzy - Jailbreak or toys that aren't some dumb variant.

One thing Hasbro doesn't suck at is making nerds lose money!

Oh and they set up a Diorama with the Flagg and people got all sweaty about that because HASBRO WONT TAKE THE RISK ON A NEW ONE or something. GI Joe is going to die in 2012. Whoop there it is

Man The Fuck Up!

Dear America, please raise your debt ceiling so that you don't default on your loans, and become an even bigger problem for the rest of the world.

Advice from the past!

Ladies and Gentleman, your dinner if you attend "COIL CON II". I don't get this goofy shit, even as a kid the idea of making something food "Fun" didn't sit well with me.




Remember back in the day when kids were told to fuck off outside for 16 hours? Man that was good parenting.




Amazingly, people still customize like this, they've also graduated to White-Out, too.



Fun fact: I doubt anyone would pay $5.00 for a Marvel G.I. Joe comic anymore!



Jesus, look at Destro's bare chest. I guess prior to just being a coke user he was a gay porn star. Also note the Cobra Officer in a black costume in the back, I expect someone might care about that. However this is actually pretty good G.I. Joe art considering how awful most of it is.





You fucks should probably do this, it'll amuse me.

Great Moral Lessons in G.I. Joe